8 ways to respond to the apology
NAll apologies are created equally. Sky Taku, a professor of psychology at the University of Souka at America at Elsu View, California, who has a professor of psychology at the University of Suka at Elsu Vigo, California, who has it I looked for forgiveness. If you are at the recipient to try to sorry for a modification, on the other hand, it may seem offensive as the original encroachment.
How someone apologizes to determine how to respond. We asked experts what they say in a variety of situations – including when you want to accept an apology, when you definitely do it, and when you simply need more time to tolerate.
“Thank you to explain why I did what I did without an excuse.”
Tako says that the real apology includes a number of components: the person must clearly notice what they apologize for, explain their actions without making excuses, expressing feelings such as shame and regret, and promised them that they will not do it again. If you are satisfied with apologizing and you want to accept it, say directly.
Read more: 8 ways to apologize well
Add what you can in particular; If your friend takes full ownership, they would not have done wrongly and did not try to justify him, thank them for that. “We must admit the existence of these important ingredients for a real apology,” says Tako. After all, it is a positive strengthening for the future.
“I understand that you are trying to amend, but I am not completely ready to accept it now.”
When she responds to an apology, you do not want to accept it, aiming to find a balance between honesty and kindness, Odra Nuro, a professor of communications and family studies at St. Thomas University in Saint -Paul, Minnesota, advises gently your position with “I”, focusing on your feelings instead of learning: “I still feel pain through what is happening.” This allows you to express your reality without escalating the situation.
“We cannot change the behavior of others, but what is exactly in our control is how to respond,” she says. “You communicate with them where those limits are, and you only say it to you.”
“I think we need to talk about what happened.”
Sometimes, you will not feel comfortable when accepting an apology until you talk about it. This gives both people an opportunity to express themselves and clarify the situation. “A lot of things are lost in translation,” says Cinnia Flores, a licensed marriage processor in San Francisco. “It is important to invite this deeper conversation and listen to each other, because you may imagine something, and it means that in another way.”
“I prefer to apologize only if you really mean it.”
Forced apology or performance is rarely going well. If you feel that this is what you receive, make it clear that saying something at all will be better, because the advice is. You can also simply say: “This does not feel original.”
Likewise, if someone apologizes but he is heavy in excuses, there is nothing wrong with returning tactfully: “I would like to hear an apology without justification. Can we try it again?” “It takes a lot of self -awareness from the person who apologizes,” says Flores. “But people can be answered.”
“I don’t feel that you really understand the depth of my pain.”
If the person who apologizes you still does not get the reason for your injury, call them. Start the conversation by telling your friend or partner that you know that they want to move forward and put the conflict behind you – but you cannot until they have a better understanding of the way their actions have affected.
Read more: 8 things can be said during a battle with your partner
Naomi Bernstein, a mysterious psychologist in Dallas who participated in hosting Excess Podcast. “But it gives a space for a quiet conversation.” She suggests preparing with tangible examples of what she wants to see or hear him in order to accept an apology.
“I want to be honest – in this long harm.”
A late apology can cause frustration, anger, resentment, and even a feeling of sadness. “It separates people,” says Flores. Let your friend or partner know how their apology is affected. Once they understand the influence, they will be more likely to address future situations in a more timing way. To keep the conversation fruitful, he honestly spoke but not in an accusation tone, as Flores suggested.
“I hear your words, but I need to see changes to rebuild confidence.”
Apologies should follow procedures. Flores stresses the communication: Tell your friend exactly what you need them in order to restore a sense of confidence. “It is really about reaching agreements and talking about the following steps,” she says. “Relationships are based on weakness, safety and trust, so that they must be part of the reform process.”
“Thank you – this makes me really feel safe.”
It is worth celebrating A+ apologies that make you feel confident and safe in your relationship. I told Bernstein that one of your family members appreciates that you can be open when you feel harm, then add: “If the roles are reversed, I hope I can do the same for you.” Perhaps this will not be the last time you face a bump on the way, and knowing that you will bear each of them and apologize when you need to help keep your bond.
I wonder what to say in a difficult social situation? Send an email to Timtotalk@time.com