I Never Wash My Bread Knife – And I Won’t Let The Internet Shame Me For Changing My Ways | Emma Beddington

WWhat I love about social media in 2025 is that there is always a new source of insecurity to be developed – should I use Viber Max? Do I need to Deep plane beautification? Am I a narcissist? Is my ankle betraying me? This week is: cleaning a bread knife. Apparently (mostly British) custom only Wipe bread knives after useperhaps on our sleeves, and then put it back in the drawer, as shown in Online skits and Animationis “terrible” and unhealthy and is the reason why people refuse to eat outside their homes.

To my knowledge, our bread knife has never seen a drawer before. It is not even wiped off, it is only washed off when it meets a special oily layer. It lives on the board with enough crumbs to last several weeks and I thought this was normal – surely there were no bacteria in it crumbs? I still think this is normal, a lot of people online have admitted to doing the quick scan. But they did so in a way that made it seem like their most transgressive and perverse custom, adding to my growing concern that whenever one of these cleanliness “controversies” reared its head, I would side with incivility.

Sheets? Yes, they are not changed weekly; Towels, ditto. My sports equipment is washed occasionally in line with French government advice – as a French citizen, I consider this a patriotic duty. Bras: Rigby and Beller Let’s say you can get rid of many clothes if you have several on rotation (although I’d stretch that beyond what the late Queen’s personal upholsterers would approve of). When it comes to my phone screen, well, I have the robust microbiome of a medieval peasant and rarely get sick, so what’s the problem?

I’m admitting this mainly as a public service to my fellow scumbags, who are disgusted when they see annoying green emojis spread in reaction to things they think are perfectly acceptable. Me too, my dirty friends, you’re not alone. But if it also means more sensitive acquaintances decide they never want to come and stay (even though guests do get clean sheets – I’m not a monster!), and eat or slice bread here, it’s probably for the best.