Summary of the Southern Charm series, season 11, episode 1

If every Netflix show in this stupid world starts with a corpse, then almost every Bravo show starts with a giant fight. It’s the exact same technique, show us the craziest thing that’s going to happen this season — in this case, a fight between Austin and Craig about how Austin feels about Craig’s claims that he’s an addict — and then go backwards from there. It worked with the original The Real Housewives of New Jerseywhich opened with Teresa Giudice’s infamous table flip (which is a lot like a table flip, but whatever) and then rewinds to show us how we got there. It seems like it’s having diminishing returns in the Bravoverse, especially since those following the gossip press already know what the dynamics will likely look like for this season. This episode does a great job of setting up the storylines we’ll follow over the next 15 episodes, plus two reunion specials. Looks like a great season. Did we really need to flash forward?

Before the season needed to skip forward a couple of months, it needed to step back a few months, because a lot of things have changed for Craig Conover, perhaps the best head of hair on television. It’s a testament to the strength of our queen, Paige DeSorbo, that she continues to drive the story on this show even after she leaves. Southern charmBravo, and totally reality TV. Madison, as pregnant as a pause after your MAGA uncle stops talking on Thanksgiving, stops by Craig’s house to talk about how she feels after the breakup. “I was betrayed by the person I trusted most in this entire world. We had our whole future planned out,” he told her. To illustrate the betrayal, editors sifted through all the footage across the Bravoverse to show Paige talking about how she thinks he’s a liar, that he told her she shouldn’t break up with him before she saw the ring he bought her, and that she doesn’t think the ring ever existed because, well, see the previous point.

Then we get a little bit of reality TV, where Craig talks about how he started dating the first girl who showed him interest because his “ex” moved on and was lonely. “She made me feel whole again, which is unfair to her, but when I got myself back together, I realized I had more healing to do,” he says. So, yeah, Craig dumped her ass and is now single, hanging out with the boys, and calling in shots while he and Austin chase their tails in Los Angeles.

Austin and Shep talk about the new Craig when they go shopping for a shower gift for Madison. Shipp doesn’t want to spend $100 on a rocking horse or $350 on a giant teddy bear in honor of Madison’s daughter Teddy, named after her father and also her own. Favorite broadcaster and cancer survivor. What happened to her Shep? book. And not just any book. It is a copy of There are worse mothers than you. I love how these two refuse to stop hating each other. She and Austin are so close that when he calls her, she answers the phone: “Hey girl!” But Shep is still out on these streets giving her aggressive gifts when he could be saving money to buy another shark tooth necklace for his next girlfriend.

After buying gifts, Austin told Shep that on a trip to Los Angeles just a few days ago, they were at a bar and Craig was like, “Do you want a shot?” Austin was confused because Craig’s story last year was that he wasn’t hanging out with guys much because he didn’t want to be tempted to drink. At the beach during the cast trip, Craig told Austin he was addicted. He said this while sitting next to a half-drunk bottle of champagne, so him continuing to drink shouldn’t be a huge surprise, but here we are, Austin and Shep aren’t reading the signs. Shep says he doesn’t know what’s going on with Craig because Paige was Craig’s only girlfriend and best friend. “He put all his eggs in that basket and that basket fell,” is as close to Phaedra Parks reading as any of the boys on this show will get.

Now we have to take a short detour to Molly’s house, and I have to start talking about the dude “Molly, you’re in danger, girl” GIF. I just moved into a small (but gorgeous on the outside) house, and there’s filth everywhere. There’s her famous horn, a scooter she doesn’t ride, and a set of thousands of shark teeth, making it a miracle that she and Shep didn’t work it out after bonding last season. If Rodrigo still had a mustache, I’d think we were exactly the same gays, because he told her she needed to clean and organize this place. She has three cats (including one named Robert Downey Jr.), a dog, and a newly acquired snake and gecko. She also said she cleared the paths through trash to the places she goes most often. Rodrigo says he gives the hoarder, and he’s right. I love Molly, but sis, you need to get your act together before the next reality show you watch starts. to intervene.

Later, at Madison’s baby shower, Molly meets Corey Kiefer, the hunk of meat from Winter house and Summer houseWho is Craig’s best friend? Wait, last time we saw him, he was dating Sam Fehr, the blond chatterbox from the Hamptons. What happened to that? However, Molly now loves his attractive energy. They flirt, and she tells him he can come to her house and catch her snake. He said he’d rather you catch him. Zing! But all I was thinking was, Molly, don’t bring that man home. He will never contact you again. Instead, he’s going to call the EPA to come clean up this superfund site.

In Madison’s bathroom, arranged lovingly and at great expense by Miss Pat, there’s another story centered around Paige, but this one concerns the feud between Craig and Venita. This is the kind of true story for the later stage about meeting Vinita vial files And Craig comments on Watch what’s happening liveAnd the two never said or did anything to each other IRL. Veneta said on the podcast that she was on Paige’s side in the breakup, that she thought Craig was using her for attention, and that Craig should have shut down the rumors that Paige was cheating on him when he knew she wasn’t. In light of those comments, Craig said he did not want to be associated with Venita. (The strange thing about all this is that there is footage of Venita and the other Southern charm All the girls watch that episode together. I can see why they might have a joint watch party, but why would someone film their reactions?)

At the party, Veneta doesn’t want to talk to Craig because she’s afraid of his temper and doesn’t want to be the one to incite a fight on Madison’s big day. It was a great relationship. Madison looked radiant, Miss Patricia beamed with pride, and her husband Brett’s arms looked like watermelons I wanted to sink my teeth into. What? Just because she’s about to give birth to her first child doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the male form. He’s straight anyway. I guess I’ll have to settle for Rodrigo being just as attractive, and they’re not too far off considering they arrived wearing the same shirt. Rod also gave Madison a very thoughtful gift and painted a picture of her. Craig was also thoughtful, making a quilt for her after spending a month in Missouri learning the art. When will someone be able to put Craig out of his misery and give him a Martha Stewart style show on Netflix where he can show off his local skills. It couldn’t be worse than that With love, Megan.

Back with Craig and Venita, their feud is complicated by Venita’s new friendship with Salley and her extra E, which also stands for “Extra.” After Venita broke up with JT, he was the idiot who did us all a favor when he did it Fucked to Bali foreverSally checked on her every day, and from then on they became inseparable. Sally really wants Venita and Craig to get along because she also likes Craig. Veneta and Craig avoided each other the whole time until Sally came forward and said to Veneta, “We want you to talk to Craig.” we? Who are we? She and the producers? Venita says no and Sally replies: “I’m ready for you to…” Venita replied that she was not ready. exactly! Let Venita do it on her own time. Like she’s going to go to the afterparty at Whitney’s cabin and start a drunken conversation with Craig before she even wants to talk to him? This is crazy.

I wasn’t a big fan of Sally before this, but this really turned me on. As Venita says, Sally is a girl’s girl until there’s a man involved. Sally says she’s not breaking the girl’s rules, at least in her estimation. She says that if Veneta and Craig start yelling, she’ll support Veneta, but until then, she can just flirt with Craig, and that’s okay. Logically this makes no sense. If a fight breaks out and Venita stands up, it means she thinks Craig did something wrong. If Craig did something wrong, especially to her friend, why would she want to date him? It was as if he already had one strike against him. Instead, Sally stands there, mouth open and eyes wide. Venita tries to leave, heading towards the green gate at the end of the corridor. She could see through it, out, into the evening sky, into the open, into freedom. She can almost feel it, the wave of calm that will wash over her, slow her heartbeat and calm her anxiety, but it doesn’t come. “Open the doors,” I shouted, but no one listened. “Open the gates,” she shouted as the cages closed around her again.