10 Boundary Therapists Want You to Set in the New Year

IIf you want to boost your well-being in 2025, skip the New Year’s resolutions and set some boundaries instead. This means getting clear about your wants, needs, and deal breakers, and in the process, improving every aspect of your life.

There are a few types of boundaries, says Julianne Taylor Shore, an Austin therapist and author of the book Set boundaries that stick. Physical boundaries, for example, protect your personal space; You can enforce one by stepping back when someone gets too close. You can also set external boundaries, which means defining for yourself what is acceptable and what is not, and acting accordingly.

This makes limits different from demand. “If, for example, I had a family member who had different political views, and I asked them to stop bringing it up [a certain candidate] “This is a direct request,” she says. “Whereas the boundaries are: ‘I’m not comfortable continuing this conversation.’ ” “I’m not going to talk to you about this anymore.” She adds that boundaries aren’t about controlling others, but about taking action to protect your mental health.

Think of boundaries as “your own personal rules for dealing with how others interact with you,” says Terry Cole, a New York-based therapist and author of “The Book of Reflections.” Head of the border. If you don’t set any of them, you’ll likely become stressed and exhausted, and as resentment builds, your relationships may become strained. On the other hand, with boundaries in place, your self-confidence and self-esteem will jump higher, you will have a greater sense of control, and you will feel physically and emotionally safe.

We asked therapists to share the boundaries they’re setting for themselves in 2025. And the lines they’re drawing might help you, too.

Respond to workload creep

Shor has a problem: She works out too much. She loves what she does, but she also wants to spend more time with her young daughter. Sound familiar? Follow her lead and set boundaries by intentionally pausing before agreeing to anything that will add extra work to your plate.

When a request shows up in Shore’s inbox, for example, she carefully considers what she would inherently refuse if she agreed to take on the project. “The truth is that I shouldn’t have to say yes to all new things, because then I won’t have time,” she says. Creating a buffer zone before automatic acceptance can help you overcome your people-pleasing tendencies and begin to restore the balance you so desperately need in your life.

“I hope to feel more comfortable and have a more balanced work life,” she says. “I’ve already told my daughter that ‘Mommy’s changing some things, and I have to really stick to it so she can see that I’m serious.’”

Reserve sacred, technology-free time

Wouldn’t it be nice to have some time just for you? This inspired Cole’s new limits: she wouldn’t do anything internet-related before 11 a.m. (lucky for Cole, she sets her own hours). Instead, she’ll jump on her trampoline, walk her dog, and have coffee. Husband, feeding her chickens, meditating. “It’s okay to do that. The realization is that nothing breaks down,” she says. “We think it’s going to be a disaster, but then things keep getting better.”

Read more: 6 ways to set boundaries at work — even when it’s uncomfortable

If staying offline until 11 isn’t possible for you, choose a different time, she suggests. Maybe you could adopt an internet-free hour in the evening, go without technology one day each weekend, or stop answering texts after 8 p.m. If you think about boundaries the way Cole does—as self-care and self-regard—then you probably realize that making time for yourself replenishes your energy. “You’ll start your day with that good energy, instead of having resentful or restricted energy,” she says. “You’ll be happier, the work you do will be better, and the way you interact in your intimate relationships will be better.”

Treat the news as a snack

Alex Oliver-Gans is ready to stop the pass-rushing doom, and would likely benefit from doing the same. The San Francisco-based therapist realizes that constantly updating headlines takes a toll on him; During the work day, it makes him less emotionally open to clients, and causes unnecessary stress. “There’s a lot of pressure I have to keep up with, like what’s expected of me or the right thing to do, and I need to redefine my actual limit,” he says. “What I would like to do is treat it as I imagine it was back in the day before the news, when the newspaper came once or twice a day.”

If you don’t like your compulsive habit of searching for news either, join him in checking the headlines just twice a day. If that still seems like too much, Oliver Ganz suggests subscribing to a weekly newsletter summarizing recent events, and following up in one intense session. You’ll likely end up feeling more focused and Optimistic, as expected.

Keep technology out of the bedroom

In 2025, enter into a long-distance relationship with your phone, at least overnight. Oliver Ganz will start keeping his other half (aka his phone) in another room, and he encourages others to set the same boundaries. “No one told me that I needed to have my phone by my side all the time, but for a long time, it was like, what if someone calls in the middle of the night, or there’s an emergency?” He says. “But I also can’t think of a time when that happened.”

He suggests that if you’re also operating under the assumption that others expect you to be available 24/7, reevaluate that idea. You may find that if you keep your phone in another room overnight — after telling your friends about your new boundaries — you’ll sleep better and feel more refreshed in the morning.

Expect equal conversational effort

Heather Stevenson, a clinical psychologist in New York City, puts a lot of effort into ensuring her relationships thrive, like making sure conversations don’t stumble and helping others open up. This often comes at the expense of sharing too much about herself. “It costs me a lot, and it ends up draining me,” she says. “I want relationships to be reciprocal and reciprocal.”

Read more: How to set boundaries with relatives, according to family therapists

You may recognize the same patterns in your own relationships. In 2025, take a step back in conversations, especially with friends, family members and in romantic relationships, and let the other person put in some effort. “Maybe he doesn’t fill in all the gaps when there’s quiet, or refuses to spend time with someone who’s out of balance,” Stevenson says. If you follow her lead, you’ll likely find that you’re happier—with the clarity you need to prioritize the most fulfilling relationships.

Replace FaceTime with face time

Kathleen Smith’s days often pass in a virtual haze. The Washington, D.C.-based therapist sees clients online during the day, then returns to Zoom in the evening to meet with fellow leaders in the organizations in which she is involved. Then there’s more technology when it’s time to connect with far-away friends and family. “I had to think about how much of my life I wanted to spend in that medium,” says Smith, the author of the book. True to you. “I try to be very intentional about how much time a week I spend on Zoom.”

If that resonates with you, be sure to turn down extracurricular opportunities that involve online meetings, or let organizers know that you can’t commit to much virtual time. Then, they can choose to move forward with or without you, Smith says: “People have to decide, do they still want you to be a part of what they’re doing if you’re not going to be on Zoom with them much of the time?”

She also recommends looking for community opportunities that prioritize meeting in person. “All those side conversations that happen when you get together with people are really good for your mental health” and will help brighten your year.

Stop apologizing excessively

Women, in particular, tend to have a conditional aversion to causing any kind of discomfort or inconvenience. That’s why many people always apologize, points out Lauren Farina, a psychotherapist in Chicago. “I think this sets the stage for us to really disempower ourselves,” she says. “We put ourselves in a subordinate position when we apologize for something that is neither our fault nor our responsibility.”

In 2025, you’ll set boundaries by only apologizing when you really mean it. If you realize you could benefit from doing the same, she recommends training yourself to pause before responding, which can help you be intentional about what you say. Another of her favorite strategies: If you tend to apologize, challenge yourself to express gratitude instead. “Instead of saying, ‘I’m so sorry to bother you,’ you could say, ‘Thank you so much for your time,'” she suggests.

Develop a new relationship with the word “yes”

In 2025, one of Farina’s limits will no longer be saying “yes” when she really means “no,” such as accepting a social invitation out of obligation. “My values ​​include communication and authenticity, so saying yes out of a sense of duty contradicts those values,” she says. “I’m really committed — and I encourage others to commit — to being thoughtful and intentional about what they’re doing.”

Read more: Is intermittent fasting good or bad for you?

To enforce these boundaries, Farina suggests getting into the habit of asking yourself this question: “Did I say what I meant?” And how does that affect my mind and body? By being in tune with yourself and your desires, you will get better at saying yes only when you really mean it, she says. “I hope that by setting these boundaries, it will save my time and energy,” she says.

Subdue your energy vampires

Peter’s companion, Sarah, will have a bad relationship with the vampires in her life, those who feed off and drain the energy of others. But she will protect herself from them. Boutros, a psychotherapist in Pasadena, California, takes inventory of the people who leave her feeling emotionally, mentally, or even physically exhausted. “They are always negative, very needy, create unnecessary drama, emotionally dump you, and have difficulty reciprocating in relationships,” she says.

Maybe you have some energy vampires in your life too. Peter recommends thinking about how much time you can handle around them: two hours? Ten minutes? Then set boundaries by spending that amount of time only in their presence. You can tell them: “I only have 5 minutes to talk, then I have to go to an appointment.” Or: “I’ll take a break for an hour, but then I have to leave to get to another commitment.” She expects that over time, draining relationships will become more positive, because you don’t allow them to absorb too much of your time and energy.

Share less online

Boutros sets boundaries around social media in 2025 by limiting how much she shares about her personal life. “I think it’s important to define what is sacred and doesn’t need an audience,” she says. When she looks at her life through the camera, she finds that it distorts her ability to fully experience and enjoy the moment. Additionally, introducing your private, private moments into the algorithm can corrupt them, so instead of them belonging to you, they belong to the world, where they may attract all kinds of comments.

Boutros hopes to get pregnant next year, and plans to eventually share the news by sending a card to her loved ones, rather than posting it online. “Then it becomes about me and my husband, or my loved ones, rather than having these moments with the camera,” she says.

If you’re ready to double-tap that feeling, enjoy a social media detox this January, advises Boutros. Disable your accounts for the entire month, or if that seems like a step too far, stick to only posting two days out of the week. Reducing the amount of time you spend browsing your networks’ updates can override the need you may feel to stay up to date, helping you feel like a more active participant in all the moments you’ll remember fondly. At the end of the year.