How do we read facial expressions, and why do we misunderstand them?

You’ve prepared well for a presentation at work, and now you’re imparting wisdom to a crowded room. As you’d expect, your colleagues look dazzled and impressed, except for one man in the front row. He looks confused. Mid-sentence, you try to show him your huge smile, but he looks even more confused, and maybe a little angry. Your voice falters.

Yes, the guy in the front row might hate you. However, you’ve likely just encountered what some psychologists and body language experts call RBF, or the “resting upset face.” (A more recent term is used in Internet meme language.) It is a facial expression that the owner believes is neutral, but others see as annoying or disapproving.

Misreading facial expressions is not an easy matter. It’s part of a deeper issue: Increasingly, the people feel Misunderstood. They find it Harder To communicate authentically, which leads to isolation and Alienation That could undermine mental and Physical health.

But learning how to get a better read on other people’s facial expressions can help improve your communication and relationships.

Why do people misjudge facial expressions?

Misreading facial expressions may stem from unrealistic expectations we have about others, as well as differences in how individuals and cultures outwardly express themselves and interpret facial cues.

Humans by nature very good In noticing changes in others’ expressions. “We can pinpoint every minute movement,” says Alex Martinez, an entrepreneur and former professor of cognitive science at Ohio State University who worked as a senior principal scientist at Amazon.

However, we are less adept at understanding the meaning behind these changes. “We often fail to identify the impact or emotion that is being communicated,” Martinez says.

If people preserved their expressions, frowns and smiles would appear cartoonish. In reality, Dozens of expressions Mix your emotions in unique ways. This minute is called Micro or Intermediate expressionsvaries from one culture To the next as well Between individuals Within every culture.

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With all these nuances, it’s dangerous to assume you know someone’s feelings based on passing glances. “Most of the time, we’re just making the best guess we can,” says Mark Brackett, founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of two books on the subject. Permission to feel and Dealing with feeling.

These disconnects may widen in the age of the Internet, especially with regard to the identities we portray on social media diverge Of our real personalities, says Vanessa Van Edwards, the science reporter who wrote the book Captivate: The Science of Success with People. If people see you digitally laughing while strolling on the beach with a crowd of close friends, they’ll assume you’re an extrovert, even if you’re an introvert who’ll never do public gigs again.

By meeting in person, they may view your neutral face as an annoyed one, compared to your online persona. “This makes in-person interaction more difficult,” Van Edwards says. “You have a lot of misinterpretations.”

While teaching a class on social interaction at Harvard University in 2025, Van Edwards surveyed her students about why they felt misunderstood. They shared different reasons, but no one questioned the basic premise of the question. Everyone felt misunderstood.

When we lack strong social connections, this can happen damage Health, heart health, and longevity.

Add missing context

Part of the problem is how rare people are Get to know They love each other beyond the superficial, even when they interact frequently. As a result, we miss the crucial background that would explain those brow arches and nasal wrinkles that seem to come out of nowhere. “If you don’t have good relationships, you don’t know the baseline of that person’s expressions,” Brackett says.

Action is a prime example. “At your job, your employer may misinterpret your expression because they have no idea who you are,” Martinez says. “It doesn’t matter how many years you’ve worked there. They don’t have details about your life.”

Van Edwards was recently excited to interview a job candidate, but faced that person’s troubled face throughout the conversation. The follow-up interview went better, and Van Edwards learned that the candidate was grimacing because of the pain of wearing borrowed shoes that were too tight.

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The most enduring parts of context are life history and personality. Researchers have Found Adults who were abused during childhood are quicker to detect negative emotions than those who do not experience such trauma. In addition, people who are Prone to anger Or they are more likely to interpret neutral facial expressions as negative, and those with more stress and negative emotions do so. Higher sensitivity To negative faces.

Recognizing such backgrounds can help make face reading more accurate. After his partner of 30 years spoke to his mother on the phone, Brackett knows what their conversation is about just by glancing at his face. “The closer your relationship is, the better you can read true feelings,” he says.

But people have a hard time finding any time, let alone 30 years, to scratch these personal surfaces, Brackett explains. It may seem awkward to ask how someone you know is feeling; It’s emotionally safer to ignore their annoying faces, Brackett says.

This appears in our expressions, non-verbal behavior and words. “People want to interact with others who are non-judgmental, listen well, and empathize, including warm facial expressions,” Brackett notes. However, it has been found that these types of supportive relationships are often lacking; For example, only half of us have them Coworkers.

How to express yourself better

At this point, you’re probably thinking about what exactly your facial expressions convey to the world. Experts recommend several steps for self-discovery and improvement.

One somewhat uncomfortable option is to “self-audit,” as Van Edwards puts it, by watching a video of yourself. Record a real video call with others, then monitor your expressions. What messages does your face send?

Another self-audit strategy is to ask others for feedback. “This is very difficult for some because it feels like an attack on their character,” Brackett says. “Others adopt ‘learner mode’ because they really want to appear to others in the most useful way.”

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If you discover that your face is upset, Van Edwards believes you don’t necessarily need to try to get rid of it, especially if the expression helps you focus and process information. She suggests just being aware so you can explain it verbally. When you’re frowning and deep in thought, you can say to your conversation partner, “Let me address this for a moment.” They will know how to ignore what may be perceived as anger.

To further ease a troubled face, use positive body language such as good eye contact – which… Research shows It can trigger a positive reaction – and a nod. Tilt your head toward another person Pointing Attention and care.

Van Edwards has worked with leaders who wear cold, intimidating expressions, but wonder why their employees avoid them. “You can balance these signals with warmth,” she says.

Above all, use these modifications to better express how you really feel. “Fake it is counterproductive,” says Van Edwards. “You have to be honest.”

Deciphering other people’s facial expressions

The problem of misreading facial expressions is a two-way street; It is a telling issue for both the observer and the observer. Certain skills can be developed to understand what facial signals mean more accurately.

We can become More knowledgeable About microexpressions. For example, search for Flexible bottom cover To discern whether a person (such as the person sitting in the front row) is upset or just focused on what you’re saying, Van Edwards says. When people focus, they… Stiffness of the lower eyelid; The under-eye area appears firm. If someone is really angry, you’re less likely to see it.

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In general, you want to focus on the other person’s eyes. In addition to building mutual feelings of connection, eye gaze can improve your “decoding ability,” says Van Edwards. We tend to Lip control To detect certain feelings such as joy, but the mouth may be misleading. (the people Often misinterpreted A look of contempt (such as a half-smile, for example.) Research shows that eye contact is key Satisfying social interactions and Activates the social parts From the brain.

It may seem obvious, but the best way to practice reading others is to gain more personal experience with other humans. Martinez says he learned to read other people’s faces at Amazon while spending most of his days interacting with employees. “These are the skills you have to develop,” he says.

And give people the benefit of the doubt. If you think you see an upset face, keep watching to get more facial data, Martinez says. Small samples of expressions will not reveal much about other people’s feelings. “It’s a dynamic system,” Martinez explains, with constant corrections of initial misinterpretations. “We understand expressions better with more information.”