“Ideal Neighbor” Lessons
“The Perfect Neighbor” recounts how Lorinsch, in her attempts to turn law enforcement against members of her community, manages to unite the two groups in shared disgust. (Not since “Dear Zachary” have I felt such a deep, intensely sexual hatred for a feature-length documentary.) “Psycho,” one police officer muttered, walking to his car after answering another 911 call from Lorinsch. However, although she was marginalized and denigrated like Lorincz, she also presented a radical manifestation of post-nationalism.Coronavirus disease The psychological profile, embodied by the snitches, druggers, and megalomaniacs on Nextdoor and Facebook-adjacent forums. These are the strangers posting Ring camera footage of a suspicious-looking Cub Scout who had the audacity to ring their doorbell; They wonder if their neighbors’ sunflowers are too Spying on them; They think they might call the police on the teen who just used their driveway to turn his car around, because that should be considered trespassing. Statistically speaking, a lot of these people have guns.
When children play together, it “requires solving some form of social problem,” as pediatrics professors Hilary L. Burdett and Robert C. Whitaker once wrote. Children should know “what to play, who can play, when to start, when to stop, and the rules of participation.” Teamwork and give-and-take can help “develop a range of social and emotional abilities such as empathy, resilience, self-awareness, and self-regulation.” The authors continue that these are the basic components of emotional intelligence. But for the children in The Ideal Neighbor, the social problem was above all Suzanne Laurench. And in the panopticon of twenty-first century America, it is everywhere.
If Lorinsch seems painfully typical, the neighborhood we see in The Perfect Neighbor seems increasingly unfamiliar. Unstructured outdoor play among children has been declining since the early 1980s, despite ample evidence about its benefits for children’s physical health, executive function skills, and socialization. The causes of deflation are diverse and long-familiar; They include parents’ statistically unfounded fears of kidnapping, increasing social isolation, the privatization of public spaces, municipal determination that favors cars and speed over walking and safety, and the rise of organized sports. The sight of unsupervised children playing, walking or cycling gradually became apparent and, more often than not, led to the intervention of police or child welfare authorities. Nervous parents dragged their children even further.
Peter Gray, professor emeritus of psychology at Boston College, has drawn an interesting connection between the decline of unstructured outdoor play—play that is “freely chosen and directed by participants and undertaken for its own sake”—and the decline of children’s mental health. Children who regularly engage in unstructured play, Gray writes, build confidence and a sense of mastery by having to make decisions and deal with conflict among themselves, without interference or judgment from adults. These children are more likely to develop a strong core locus of control, making them less susceptible to anxiety and depression later in life. Gray emphasized that true free play is not focused on external goals, such as getting a high grade from a teacher or impressing the soccer coach. Children decide what they want, and feel at least somewhat responsible for whether and how they get it.
A 2021 study found, unsurprisingly, that “higher parental perceptions of neighborhood social cohesion also predict more time playing outdoors.” This social cohesion is heartbreakingly evident in “The Ideal Neighbor.” The footage demonstrates the easy trust and solidarity between various parents, who seemed to have a tacit agreement that the neighborhood more or less belonged to the children. They had the freedom to play and explore that many of their peers in wealthier neighborhoods lacked—or rather, they would have had, had Laurench not viewed it as a violent siege.
In November, during Lorench’s sentencing hearing, her sister provided credible testimony that Lorench had been severely abused as a child. As I watched her sister speak, I began to wonder if Lorinsch had been held back not just by racism or mental illness but by a madness of envy and deprivation—if what ultimately drove her crazy about her community was that it was a community, that her neighbors cared for each other and cared for each other’s children. At one point in Gandbhir’s documentary, a police officer, in the midst of interviewing some of Lorincz’s young neighbors, stops to ask a woman which of the gathered children is hers. None of the children’s parents were present at that moment, but the woman replied without hesitation: “They are all mine.” She’s joking, but she means it. ♦