My friends keep leaving me, but they don’t like that I do the same to them Life and style
I’m 17 years old and have just entered my final year of school. since I started high school, and I had pretty much the same friendship group: B, C, and D.
My best friend B and I have always been quiet and hesitant about Doing anything where it’s just the two of us, for fear of leaving the other two behind. However, last year We were constantly ignored by C, D, and We decided to do the things we wanted to do and not wait for approval. We can be friends independently of othersI’m still friends with them too.
Recently, we They made plans together and bumped into C and d whilee out. They left without telling us anything. C in particular He seemed upset by this, which He was It is surprising that it, in particular, leaves us out.
I have always felt… As if she couldn’t my friendship, or b, But she expects us to be there for her and To revolve our friendship around it. this Recently cI was distraught over an incident where I felt we had left it aside. She called me by the name W I didn’t read the scripts and sent them to her To apologizee.
I’m more upset than upset now Because it prolonged a battle that could have been resolved by reading the text. I worry that we are trapped in trying to please a toxic person. I don’t want to lose A A friend is going into her final year of school, but this seems unsustainable. Is this friendship worth keeping?
I’m glad you feel like it’s unsustainable, because there’s something inside you telling you a precious truth: that you’re worth so much more than this. This is not friendship. Your friends C and D, especially C, seem very unhappy, and unhappy people often try to take out the dissatisfaction they feel and project it onto others, rather than trying to deal with it. People tell us a lot about themselves by the way they treat others.
I went to the clinical and counseling psychologist and psychoanalyst Professor Alessandra Lima. “This is a familiar scenario,” she said, “but you show real thought in the way you describe the friendship. What comes across strongly is the imbalance. You and B avoid excluding others, while C excludes without any care.”
“C seems to be operating from what I would understand as a narcissistic position, where she needs to be central, quick to feel insulted, and punished when she’s not center stage,” Lima added.
You may find mine Podcast On interesting narcissists. True narcissists (a word that gets thrown around a lot) are very fragile people.
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Lima wondered why this friendship was important to you, and she said to ask yourself what kind of friend behaves this way and what attracts you to it.
“You are in a strong position,” Lima added. “You have B as a friend, and it seems like a valuable friendship worth protecting. I would encourage you to consider prioritizing a good relationship with B, and stop apologizing to C, because that only reinforces the submissive role and feeds her need for control.”
There is a huge loss in accepting the fact that sometimes friendships are not what we want, or that we can achieve, no matter how hard we try. I think you’re at that point with C. Lemma and I think you’ll feel liberated when the time comes where you can really accept that.
You seem very emotionally intelligent, and this can make friendships at any age more difficult, but especially now when everyone around you is still so immature.
Each week, Annalisa Barbieri tackles a personal problem submitted by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa, please send your problem to Ask.annalisa@USADailyTrends.com. Annalisa regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to Our Terms and Conditions. Annalisa’s latest podcast series is here here.