The worst things that can be said to someone who suffers from anxiety

“When you try to relax a besieged person in a collapse of anxiety ideas, it is better to set priorities” to be on advice, “says Jaime Fleisher, HeadSpace.

Often, people are trying to accelerate their friend to feel better, refusal or reduce their fears, or give unwanted advice, all of which can exacerbate the already increasing feelings of a person. It is better to focus on being calm, emotional and non -judicial, and storming my mind to support your friend anxiety.

We have asked experts to share the worst things you can say to someone who is anxious – as well as what really helps them.

“Just calm.”

If you want to stay on the side of a good person, don’t tell them to calm down. He is partially angry because it reduces their experience and indicates that they have a largely uncomfortable thing. “I have never met a concern that has not tried every trick in their tool box to reduce the symptoms of anxiety,” says Lea Ridel, licensed clinical mental health advisor, who is anxious. “Nobody wants to have heartbeat or sweat everywhere and vibrate, with stomach and race ideas.”

Instead, say: “I see you are afraid now. Can I sit with you?”

Focus on how to show your friend’s sympathy to contact at a deeper level, as you recommend. If you are not in a place where you can sit easily, then make a change in the scene: “Hey, do you want to go to a quiet place and walk for one second?” The opportunity to cancel the pressure they need.

“There is nothing to worry about.”

Anxiety does not respond to logic. Yes, it is statistically unlikely that the plane crashes or the world will explode tomorrow, but when you are trapped in a spiral of the worst scenarios, these facts mean very little. Airial Cetnar, a processor in Boulder, says avoid telling your friend that everything they worry is not a big problem or worthy of it. For them, this is what matters.

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If you reduce someone’s fears, “this makes them feel that they are making something wrong or have a bad reaction,” which may exacerbate their existing feelings.

Instead, say: “This seems really difficult. Do you want to tell me what is going on in your mind?”

It is better to lend an ear. Cetnar says, when people rid their ideas, they are often able to get some space from their fears, which can help them start putting things in their right quorum. “Submit space performances,” hey, I have sympathy, and I do not judge you, “she says. You can even add:” I am here to listen, and if you want to advise, I am happy to give you. “

“Are you very worried again?”

The problem is that someone is worried again – thank you, Captain is clear – that “contempt will continue.”

Instead, say: “I have noticed that you look tense today. Everything is fine? Let’s sit together and think about what was useful in the past.”

She adds: While the ruling closes the connection, curiosity opens the door to support it. Your friend does not even need to tell you that they are keen to ask them gently about it – if you know them well, you will be able to realize that something has stopped with them. “You are telling them that you pay attention, and that you come from a place that raises real anxiety,” says Perez. “You create a safe haven where they can open up, be themselves, and exchange their concerns.”

“Everything will be fine.”

Your friend may worry about something that has no chance to reach fruits-or may be their fears immediately. Perez says it is impossible to know this with certainty, so avoid providing false cleansing. “I had a lot of customers worried about the things that, in fact, Be able to She says, “The approach never says,” Oh, no, this will not happen. “

Instead, say: “Let’s wander around what is going on in your mind. What is the worst and best scenario, and most likely?”

Perez adds that what works better is speaking through possible results – and developing a plan for how to deal with each of them. It can help give them perspective and Allow them to feel more willing.

“You exaggerate her reaction.”

This is one of the most refusal things you can say to a person anxious because it is often deepened to self -doubt, which walks alongside anxiety. “When people are worried, they are trying to scramble for ways to settle,” says Setnar. “By telling them that they are doing a lot, they will feel a burden, which makes them feel more anxious. They already feel that they are a burden on themselves, and now they represent a burden on you.”

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What do you say instead: “Your reaction is logical given what you went through.”

Focus on reassuring them that the way they feel logical. Citnar says that doing this confirms their emotional experience, while they are giving “they are not broken to feel this way.”

“Stop thinking this way.”

Fleisher says someone is getting more anxious, as he is often “really unable to abandon him easily.” Telling them to “stop this” reduces their very real physical and emotional symptoms.

Instead, say: “Let’s sit and take three deep breaths together.”

It is useful for your friend’s most invitation to join you in a simple breathing activity. Fleisher says that this small act may be sufficient to reset their nervous system, and runs out of these feelings consumed by panic.

“at least…”

It might seem comfortable on the surface, but telling your friend that at least is not worse – do they not hear what the neighbor is going through? “He changes the focus away from a person’s pain and sends a message that his experience is not dangerous enough to deserve attention,” says Fleisher.

Instead, say: “This seems really difficult. I am very sorry that you are going through.”

Better approach: Let your friend know that you care and feel – no fictional words. “Over sympathy does not require silver bars,” she says. “Real support often simply means recognition of pain without trying to reduce it.”

“You just have to be more positive.”

Toxic positivity is not anxiety of anxiety, as Fleisher confirms. She says that the removal of anxiety ideas “is not the issue of will.” “It is a complex interaction in biology, environment and experience.”

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Instead, say: “You are not alone. I am here with you.”

Tell your friend that you know that they are doing their best, and that it is okay to feel anxious at times. Do this recognizes their efforts and normalizes their emotions, which reduces the shame that accompanies anxiety often. Then remind them that you will not go anywhere. These are “the most healing words you can offer,” says Fleisher. “When someone suffers from anxiety, your job is not to fix it. It appears to them.”