These four words can defuse any awkward situation

When something so embarrassing happens that you can’t help but stare at the floor, hoping it will open up and swallow you up, saving you the embarrassment, the best thing you can do is… draw more attention to it. Yes, really.

This means saying these four words: “Well, that was embarrassing!” Or: “That was honest!” In addition to acknowledging an inappropriate or uncomfortable comment and framing it as something positive — the truth — you’re signaling your desire to change the course of the conversation, says Jenny Shields, a psychologist in Houston. This approach works in all sorts of scenarios: farting in polite company, saying an abrupt “I love you” that surprises the recipient, waving enthusiastically at someone who was actually greeting the person behind you, showing someone a picture of a cat on your phone and accidentally scrolling to a nude photo, and any other misstep you can conjure up in the darkest places of your mind.

She adds: “We believe that ignoring it will lead to its disappearance.” “But when you ignore that, it’s like holding your breath. And with just a few words, you can release that stress so everyone around you can take a deep breath, too.”

A global phenomenon

No one is immune to the full-body shivers of embarrassment, including the high-performance professionals Shields works with. “They can deal with the board, they can deal with life and death decisions, but if you put them in awkward silence, they get confused and want to disappear,” she says. “That’s how universal this is, everyone feels it.”

There is a biological explanation for how embarrassed we feel in painful situations. It’s human nature to want to fit in, so when you say something that’s not received the way you thought it would be, your mind enters the danger zone, Shields says. “Your body doesn’t necessarily know the difference between being chased by a lion and uttering something that was extremely embarrassing at dinner,” she says. “To your body, it feels like a threat, so your heart races and you want it to go away.” That’s why you physically react the same way you would in any other type of threatening situation. Whether you were the one who said the embarrassing thing, or your passive embarrassment was very strong, you probably are.

Read more: What do you say when you forget someone’s name?

The key to defusing tension is to talk and acknowledge what just happened, so it’s no longer the elephant in the room. “Embarrassment lives in silence,” Shields says. “The natural tendency is to hide or sink into the ground, but the moment you can name it — with a little humor and empathy — you disarm it.”

Channel your inner comedian

Humor is one of the best antidotes to embarrassment. In the most critical moments, the stakes seem too high, and this emotional intensity can make you exaggerate the importance of what happened. “Humor helps reduce and normalize the true level of importance of this fleeting moment in a person’s life,” says Seth Meyers, a psychologist (not the comedian) in Los Angeles.

To help put everyone at ease, start laughing, he says, and with perfect comedic timing, he announces: “And… a scene!” You can also choose to smile “Did anyone else get scared?!” Or “I’ll suggest you take some deep breaths.”

If you still feel embarrassed, even after laughing, practice some positive self-talk, Myers advises. You can repeat to yourself, for example: “This too shall pass,” “I am not the only one to whom this has ever happened,” or “I would not be human if I did not experience a critical moment from time to time.”

Give others (or yourself) a way out

Even if you’re just an uncomfortable bystander in a critical situation, you can give the person in the middle a “lifeboat,” Shields says.

One of her favorite ways to do this: If a colleague accidentally visits the entire office via a private email, step out of your cubicle, smile, and say, “Thanks for saving us from the trash talk!” This flips the script by turning discomfort into a gift, making the person who said the embarrassing thing feel less vulnerable. You can also choose: “We’ve all been there,” which turns it into a shared experience, or “Let’s pretend it didn’t happen.” “Okay! Anyway!” You can also redirect the conversation in a playful way – certainly out of great gratitude to the person you are saving.