You be the judge: Should my sister buy new crockery and cutlery? | Life and style
Prosecutor: Fiona
I can’t cook with blunt knives and serve them Food is good on Chipped plates. I want us to live like adults
When I moved in with my older sister, Mara, earlier this year, I knew it wouldn’t be my place. She’s an artist and her aesthetic is a mess. There’s a lot of clutter, but it’s the crockery and cutlery that bother me. The plates are mismatched, the cups are from 10 different holidays, and the flatware is a mix of gold, silver, and plastic. It provides a home for students, we are 29 and 33 respectively.
Mara has the apartment with a lot of personality, and I needed a new place after changing cities, so it worked out well. When we were kids, we were very close and quite similar, but we’ve changed a little bit.
I’m more “nervous,” she says, and Mara is very relaxed. But I didn’t think she would be so resistant to my input into the apartment. I never imagined that I would be eating pasta with friends using three different types of forks, one of which looked like it had survived a war. I’m not saying everything has to be simple, but matching crockery makes a space look more mature. I try to be stylish, but it’s just about keeping it together, Mara says. Sometimes, I think the artist’s crumbling issue is an attempt to appear less rich because it’s trendy.
I want my boyfriend to feel like we have our lives together when he comes over for dinner. I live here too, and the kitchen is my biggest domain because I cook more, but I find it difficult with all the dull knives that Mara refuses to throw away, and I can’t serve things well on cut-off plates. I want clean, new kitchen utensils. There is joy in serving dinner on unbroken, mismatched plates. It feels like an occasion.
The way we eat shapes the way we live, and I feel like I’m diminishing my life when I’m cooking in Mara’s apartment with all these random things. Replacing it will help me feel at home. I left open links on her laptop to cutlery sets on Amazon, but she kept saying we didn’t need one, even though I would buy them.
Mara says I’m making a big deal out of nothing, and these matching cutlery are meaningless. But I only want to eat things that look like they belong to adults. What’s wrong with that?
Defense: Mara
Every piece in my kitchen has a history. Matching sets are sterile, my style is more sustainable
When Fiona moved in, I was thrilled because I missed her. We last lived together in our family home. But then she started making comments not only about my crockery, but about my apartment in general. Suddenly, my perfectly good, eclectic tableware was a bit “messy” and “student,” and my entire apartment needed an upgrade.
Apparently, the solution is to buy everything new, in matching sets. This looks like something you’d find at Airbnb. My apartment is my home, and just because Fiona’s here doesn’t mean I have to change everything.
Every piece in my kitchen has a history. The chipped bowls are from various flats and trips over the years. I’ve gotten pieces as a gift from friends who have moved abroad. And the people who lived here left parts and things.
Matching cutlery seems sterile and devoid of personality to me. Yes, maybe it’s because I’m an artist and I like a little color. But life is uncoordinated, so why be forks? Plus it matches the ambiance with my artwork and sculptures in the space. I love the fact that no two knives are alike. It’s not messy, it’s my style.
Fiona wants to impress her boyfriend, but I don’t think he’ll care. If she cooked, he wouldn’t notice the knife she used. I also find the idea of getting rid of everything a waste of time. We talk about sustainability, about reuse and repair, but suddenly beauty is more important than the planet.
My sister says it’s her house too and I agree, but I bought the apartment, so He is Actually me. There’s a difference between putting your stamp on a place and completely rebranding it. Mismatched tableware is not chic for Fiona, but it reflects the way I live: comfortable, practical, and sometimes sentimental.
Fiona keeps sending me links to new cutlery and dish sets, but I’m not keen on that. The thought of throwing away my favorite mugs because they ruin my simple vision doesn’t fill me with joy. The cutlery drawer remains the same – it’s a delightful little rebellion against the tyranny of matching sets.
The Guardian readers’ jury…
Get the dirt dish
After promoting the newsletter
Since Fiona is doing more of the cooking, and has offered to pay for the cutlery herself, it would probably be helpful to have a few new knives and forks for her to use. When she finds a new living situation, she can bring it with her. Is this a win-win?
Rebecca, 31
Fiona needs to move out if she’s trying so hard to control the aesthetic of her sister’s apartment. The cutlery drawer is just the tip of the iceberg – Fiona will want to re-cover the sofa next. I sympathize with Fiona because I like things to be clean and tidy too, but the only way to be sure things are the way you want them to be is to have your own place.
Kitty, 33
It’s Mara’s house, so she doesn’t have to change if she doesn’t want to. If Fiona felt this strongly, she could just buy matching sets to use when her boyfriend was done – problem solved.
Depp, 48
I sympathize with Mara, but keeping old, damaged crockery is a bit like hoarding it, and I personally don’t want guests drinking from broken cups and eating from broken plates.
Matthew, 39
Fiona, why don’t you buy a nice set of knives, forks, etc., add them to the drawer, and ask Mara not to use them. Ditto for pottery. This way, you always have good matching things to use, and who knows, maybe Mara will like it. For now, mismatch may be a good thing, Mara, but plastic cutlery is frustrating. He must go.
Robin, 35
Now you are the judge
It’s time to put your opinions on the table in our online survey
The survey closes on Wednesday, October 29 at 9 a.m. GMT
Results last week
We asked if Ben should bring the boxes.
99% Who of you said yes? Ben is guilty
1% Who of you said no? Ben is innocent